Dreaming of a life I can’t have, realizing when reality is bigger than dreams…
I’ve been in a rut lately (I mean, I always have). I try, I try so hard, only to be taken aback and pushed away.
It’s been a struggle. I still don’t understand. I’m just so lost. alone. Trying to figure out my way, when I don’t even know where I’m heading to.
When will I ever not feel this way?

Hi, hello! I’m alive.

Can’t believe that I’m actually able to write on this space again, which is something I’ve been itching to do these past months. All the 600-word paragraphs I have been writing are nothing but essays on worldly issues, independent films, sociopolitical development… maybe interesting, maybe boring. I have been waiting for this day, and I am relieved that day is, well, today.

It’s been too long; so many things have happened. I don’t even know what to say anymore.

I just want to write, and it feels good to be doing this again.

Travel Tales: Singapore

 

Singapore was amazing in all ways possible! It definitely exceeded all expectations, from the destinations to even the warmth of its people. I’ve never been in a place where things were just so calm and chill, and the vibes it exuded, I’ve never felt elsewhere. It’s easily one of the coolest I’ve been to.

Unbelievable how people say Singapore is so small, everything on the island can be done in a day. Well, that’s the biggest lie in the world! It may be one of the smallest in the continent, but it is truly bursting with so many things to do. Every little corner has an interesting find, and whether you’re on top of the grandest skyscraper or lost in a spot tucked away in a side alley, there will always be something new and different waiting to be done, tasted, or seen.

And the funny truth is… I never thought I’d fall in love with this country.

Hello from Singapore

Greetings from the Lion City!

Alright, I’ll be honest here… my first few hours in this country didn’t go very well, which all started with the airport. It’s a story meant for another entry, but in a nutshell, we had a terrible encounter with the immigration which left us to lose practically a day’s worth of itinerary. Well, not the nicest first impression.

But things happen, but dwelling on them won’t really do anything. This is something I did not realize until someone told me otherwise, and now I can say that this trip has been a really pleasant one that I no longer remember what happened on Day 1. Singapore’s awesomeness definitely made up for it, and wow, how beautiful is this place is, really. Singapore is such an artsy country bursting with color and vibrance, from the little corners of its side alleys to the countless towering skyscrapers, and everything (I mean everything) is just so picturesque that there is nothing I could not take a snapshot of. Things are just so perfect and pretty here. It’s amazing how buildings here can pull off even the oddest combination of colors and shades.

I’ve never been on a trip abroad that actually happened within a particular school year, so I’m missing a few of my classes. I wasn’t too keen on pursuing this trip because I really, really didn’t want to miss school, especially now that I’m barely only on my third week of university! I never even did this in high school, what more in college? Choosing a trip over school stuff is definitely one of the most daunting decisions I’ve ever made. But as I always say, I’d do anything to explore and go on a new adventure. Well, traveling is the best kind of education one can receive, haha. You can say that I followed what my heart said, but then, it’s something I don’t regret.

I’m with my relatives to celebrate a milestone in my grandma’s life, her birthday! It was a trip I didn’t know was actually happening, so until now I’m still in a mild state of shock. Nevertheless, I’m grateful and thankful to have an opportunity of exploring a bit more of the world.

I actually only have a few hours left in this country and the thought of having to leave is something I really dread… I don’t want to be back to reality just yet.

 

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Into the new world

This 127-day summer is on its end. I’ll be slipping into a new set of uniform consisting of casual clothes, making my way through the unfamiliar halls of a building I’ve yet to enter in a few. Years and years I have yearned for this chapter in my life to finally unfold, and now that it’s only a sleep(less) night away, I can only wish for so much. I’m quite ecstatic, really.

It’s a plethora of feelings, as I would say. Maybe it’s now the perfect time to be myself, and that is, to be who I really am, or to be who I am supposed to be. Unafraid. Secure. Certain.

Summer ’14 was nothing short of amazing. It’s not going to be easy leaving the summer I will be forever grateful to and for; one that has nurtured my senses and greatly fostered my growth as an individual. Learnings irreplaceable, experiences unforgettable. It was a indeed a summer of coincidences, with one unexpected event that just led to something else and then to something even better, sometimes even worse.

Setting foot on the land of my dreams, meeting great and wonderful people here and there, catching up, up close and inches away from the person I call my biggest inspiration in life, exploring a bit more of the world, learning and improving, leaving a print of footmarks in the unlikeliest of places, getting pushed out of the corners of my comfort bubble… I am humbled and fulfilled. These past four months left me dull and hanging, yet at the same time, gave me a list of adventures I never thought I’d encounter. Definitely, it wasn’t all perfect, and whether I regret certain things or not is moot. I’ve come a long way. It was a very lengthy wait, but all in all, I am thankful.

There were a few points on the bucket list I’d never expect to cross out and memories I never thought I’d possibly make… at least not anytime soon, but I’m truly happy. And with a whole new set I’ve yet to meet, here’s to hoping a whole lot more.

Music Monday: One Less You

io乐团《2ø14 少了一个你》

真的好听啊,为什么QQ音乐里没有《2ø14少了一个你》这首歌???

Good vibes for a great new week, just what I need. 哈哈哈 中文怎么说?大学,等着我,我来了!

2:29

Some incoherent thoughts and possible grammatical mistakes at 2:29 in the morning, but I’ve been meaning to ponder on and express my emotions on certain things that have been bothering me lately. And this time, it’s not really all about me.

So I’ve been wanting to blog lately. To write about the recent places I’ve been to, thoughts on this so-called new chapter unfolding in my life, musings on many different things. But I just don’t have the heart and will to do so—I’ve been taken aback by the current happenings in the world. Reading about the news and watching the headlines these days are such painful tasks to do. When you watch about little children and civilians in this side of the globe shamelessly being shot and killed and innocent lives of people in passenger planes taken away in an instant, it’s not very easy to write about your own wants and aspirations. It feels very selfish of myself to do so quite frankly, when all these people’s lives can never be taken back. A plane full of individuals with hopes and dreams that can never be fulfilled; all gone too soon.

“The best things in life come unexpected.” I’ve always been a keen believer of this quote because of many concrete happenings, but not at this time. It’s just so wrong in all ways possible. Had the passengers known that the hours they spent inside the airplane would be their last, would they have boarded it?

Just at this very hour I was watching various clips and coming across news stories about the MH17 tragedy, and even up this point I cannot stop shedding tears. Everyone on the plane had different life stories. 298 people who hailed from different nations around the world; 80 were innocent, young children who had their whole lives ahead of them, but have been put to an end just like that. But I think what hit me at the greatest magnitude are the Indonesian-Filipinos who died on the flight, especially the kids, who I have been reading so much about, whether on the local news or international headlines. Knowing that they were actually on their way to the Philippines for a family reunion hurts a lot. The son really had a promising future and budding career in his life in the Netherlands, and seeing his last post on his Instagram with a face that displayed much enthusiasm in the airport breaks my heart. I am highly disturbed. Terrible, terrible it is. As I refresh the link, more condolences from people around the world consume his page. Sterkte, they say.

There was a 14-second video posted by a passenger showing how everything was just fine minutes after boarding the plane—people just casually stowing their bags in the overhead bins as the pilot is announcing a few reminders. Passengers excitingly posted snapshots of their passports and boarding passes on their social accounts with uplifting captions. It hurts so much viewing the Instagram accounts of the victims, knowing how they absolutely had no idea that that selfie they took would be their last, and that their adios and see you later hashtags would mean so much more. I can’t help that all of this bothers me so much.

These people could have already landed at their respective locations in this side of the world, enjoying the heat of summer spent with their loved ones, back at their beloved homelands, attending conferences that could nurture their passions and skills, or starting new beginnings. And that’s why it hurts. This act of violence and terror could have been something prevented. Why did this even have to happen? It is beyond comprehension. How completely devastating and heartbreaking it is. It’s hard to accept how all of this is not just a nightmare we can simply shake off or wake up from. This is real. This happened. To muster up courage at a time like this is not the easiest thing to do, and I can only imagine the immeasurable grief and pain that the victims’ families and friends have to endure right now. I knew nobody of the passengers before this ill-fated event occurred, but I don’t feel quite indifferent and detached. My heart and prayers go out to all the victims and their loved ones. In how the current situation is being handled, I pray for transparency, truthfulness and certainty.

2014 so far has been a really good year to me. It really has. But when you see that the world around you is troubled and shaken, you can’t help but realize how little of a being you are—small and powerless.  How the universe isn’t in need of your accomplishments and happiness at this time; when it pleads for something so much more than that.

What a year to live in right now, really. Everything is just so unbelievable and indescribable. Life is so unfair. There are no words.