Some incoherent thoughts and possible grammatical mistakes at 2:29 in the morning, but I’ve been meaning to ponder on and express my emotions on certain things that have been bothering me lately. And this time, it’s not really all about me.

So I’ve been wanting to blog lately. To write about the recent places I’ve been to, thoughts on this so-called new chapter unfolding in my life, musings on many different things. But I just don’t have the heart and will to do so—I’ve been taken aback by the current happenings in the world. Reading about the news and watching the headlines these days are such painful tasks to do. When you watch about little children and civilians in this side of the globe shamelessly being shot and killed and innocent lives of people in passenger planes taken away in an instant, it’s not very easy to write about your own wants and aspirations. It feels very selfish of myself to do so quite frankly, when all these people’s lives can never be taken back. A plane full of individuals with hopes and dreams that can never be fulfilled; all gone too soon.

“The best things in life come unexpected.” I’ve always been a keen believer of this quote because of many concrete happenings, but not at this time. It’s just so wrong in all ways possible. Had the passengers known that the hours they spent inside the airplane would be their last, would they have boarded it?

Just at this very hour I was watching various clips and coming across news stories about the MH17 tragedy, and even up this point I cannot stop shedding tears. Everyone on the plane had different life stories. 298 people who hailed from different nations around the world; 80 were innocent, young children who had their whole lives ahead of them, but have been put to an end just like that. But I think what hit me at the greatest magnitude are the Indonesian-Filipinos who died on the flight, especially the kids, who I have been reading so much about, whether on the local news or international headlines. Knowing that they were actually on their way to the Philippines for a family reunion hurts a lot. The son really had a promising future and budding career in his life in the Netherlands, and seeing his last post on his Instagram with a face that displayed much enthusiasm in the airport breaks my heart. I am highly disturbed. Terrible, terrible it is. As I refresh the link, more condolences from people around the world consume his page. Sterkte, they say.

There was a 14-second video posted by a passenger showing how everything was just fine minutes after boarding the plane—people just casually stowing their bags in the overhead bins as the pilot is announcing a few reminders. Passengers excitingly posted snapshots of their passports and boarding passes on their social accounts with uplifting captions. It hurts so much viewing the Instagram accounts of the victims, knowing how they absolutely had no idea that that selfie they took would be their last, and that their adios and see you later hashtags would mean so much more. I can’t help that all of this bothers me so much.

These people could have already landed at their respective locations in this side of the world, enjoying the heat of summer spent with their loved ones, back at their beloved homelands, attending conferences that could nurture their passions and skills, or starting new beginnings. And that’s why it hurts. This act of violence and terror could have been something prevented. Why did this even have to happen? It is beyond comprehension. How completely devastating and heartbreaking it is. It’s hard to accept how all of this is not just a nightmare we can simply shake off or wake up from. This is real. This happened. To muster up courage at a time like this is not the easiest thing to do, and I can only imagine the immeasurable grief and pain that the victims’ families and friends have to endure right now. I knew nobody of the passengers before this ill-fated event occurred, but I don’t feel quite indifferent and detached. My heart and prayers go out to all the victims and their loved ones. In how the current situation is being handled, I pray for transparency, truthfulness and certainty.

2014 so far has been a really good year to me. It really has. But when you see that the world around you is troubled and shaken, you can’t help but realize how little of a being you are—small and powerless.  How the universe isn’t in need of your accomplishments and happiness at this time; when it pleads for something so much more than that.

What a year to live in right now, really. Everything is just so unbelievable and indescribable. Life is so unfair. There are no words.


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