It’s me and my in a nutshell high school posts again.
So, moving on…
Just thinking of those two words creates a very a big mess on my head—a beautiful mess, maybe. For me to say it was a mix of all the good and bad one can possibly think of, or to describe it to be a year of ups and downs will sound very overused, or cliché especially… but among all these years of my schooling life, I think junior year is that year that perfectly fits those descriptions. I missed prom, failed a final exam, went on trips with friends, became classmates with people I wished for, slept at past two due to Geom, was exempted from taking the exams, was labelled a word that makes me smile even up to this day, sacrificed great friendships for studies, had dengue, missed foundation week, got in the first honors for the first time in high school, became friends with a few who actually share interests with me.
And some of the little things I realized throughout the school year that I’d like to reflect on…
You’ll find people like you, don’t worry. Okay, I haven’t met a person who is into C-pop, knows how my celebrity crushes look like when I state their names, or can relate to me when I say “QQ”—yet. I’ve long accepted that, that I will never find anyone within this archipelago who likes the things I like. Lol. I mean, I don’t expect people to have the same, exact interests with me, because, who does? But it was in junior year I met people who I shared a few favorites and likes with, and have blurted out a few times, “Why have I only met you now?!” I met a person in junior year who knew who Rainie Yang is (well, if you’ve only heard of that name now, then obviously it’s not you… haha, jk), people who are into languages too, K-pop (I’m not the biggest fan out there, but meeting people from school who liked it was just wow, I found a friend for me). It took me years to find out that someone from my batch watched Taiwanese drama too—even more than what I’ve watched! So be patient. Those people are just there, same corridor even… or maybe the ones beside you during graduation practice. Be patient, because… you’ll never know.
As the cliché goes, when you fall, stand up! We hear those sayings and quotes about failure all the time but once you get to experience that failure yourself, they just seem to make sense. I failed the final exam in Algebra during the first term and it was the first time I failed an exam in my entire life. An exam I burned the midnight oil for. I have failed a lot of tests but failing a final exam felt nothing but… absolute failure. I felt so worthless and hopeless. It was the lowest point of my life academically. They were right— 2012 was the end of the world. Even the dream of entering my dream university disappeared, and it was just goodbye life for me. I already knew what to expect in the report card and exemptions didn’t even enter my mind anymore.
But there were two terms to make up for it, and that’s what I did. I studied 100000000x more. I dedicated a few more hours in studying, to the point that my friends said I was studying too much. I didn’t always get good scores even if I studied, but I still tried. Third term came, and to my biggest shock, I was exempted from taking the Algebra exam, barely making it—the anxiety of which that left me sleepless and in fear. I had mixed emotions because I was exempted in spite of failing the exam. And I thought that that failure in first term put an end to it all. I have my Algebra teacher to thank for endlessly with him being so considerate.
Despite all this, I still can’t say I’m glad I failed, but it was definitely a learning experience for me. One thing I learned is that you can’t get the good things all the time even if you work for them, because life is like that. Failure’s always gonna be there, and it’s all in your hands to turn that into something else.
You’re a nobody. Not important. You’re just one of them. Well, not unless you’re your batch’s representative or the prom queen or whatever. But seriously, when you froze as you were doing your dramatic monologue, and it felt so embarrassing… you think anybody remembers that? Don’t expect people to listen to you as you say your persuasive speech. Don’t expect them to genuinely like you, or to even respect you at the least, even if you think you’ve practically done nothing wrong to their lives. I remember ending up on one of my batchmates’ profiles who I remember being friends with on Facebook and I was quite surprised to see that from friends, it became add as friend. My first reaction, honestly, was, “Wth?” I was wondering why that person deleted me if we clearly knew each other. Heck, I even know that person’s full name. :p I seriously felt disturbed, because, it’s just, you know… Facebook. But exactly.
Nobody remembers the times he or she had no sleep. I read that quote on one of my favorite blogs and I definitely agree with it. Tomorrow is another day. Generally, it’s not the bad things one remembers as he or she looks back, but the happier things, even if you’re the most pessimistic person in the world (like me). There was a time in junior year I had the chance to go up north for a weekend trip, just in time for the yearly festival. But it was hell week and there were around six projects due the next week, and my group planned to do it during that weekend. The opportunity to travel was already there, but alongside were these stacks of illustration board cut outs, uncolored comic book pages… so I had to choose. I was thisclose to saying yes to the opportunity, but of course I chose the projects over the trip, which left me so annoyed having missed the trip. But as I recalled the happenings of last school year, that whole situation didn’t even pop up into my mind. I don’t know if that even made sense with the quote above… so, haha.
Junior year’s the “last”, so might as well… study!! Well, probably only those who applied for that might understand.
*to be continued*